Choosing Your Words Wisely: What to Say vs What Not to Say to Your Neurodivergent Child

As parents of neurodivergent children, choosing the right words can be difficult, especially when navigating emotional moments. The things we say can have a profound impact on our children’s self-esteem, behaviour and emotional regulation. Understanding which phrases encourage growth and which ones may unintentionally cause distress is essential in fostering positive communication.

What Not to Say: The Pitfalls to Avoid

• "Why can’t you just behave like others?" This invalidates their experience and puts them in a box.

• "You’re being difficult." This reinforces negative behaviour without understanding the cause.

• "Just calm down." This minimises the intensity of their emotions and makes them feel unheard.

  
  

What to Say Instead: Positive Reinforcement and Empathy

• "I see you are trying your best." This fosters self-worth and acknowledges their effort.

• "It’s OK to feel upset." This validates emotions and reduces feelings of shame.

• "I’m proud of how you handled that." Praise specific actions, rather than general traits.

  
  

By carefully choosing our words, we create a space for understanding, growth, and connection with our children.

Want more support like this? This article is just a snippet of the full guide available exclusively to members of The Dock — our private, supportive online community for parents of neurodivergent children. Inside, you’ll find the full downloadable version, plus expert-led resources, lived experience advice, and real connection with people who truly get it.

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